Herbert W Armstrong

   The subject that needs to be covered from time to time because our children - and we all were children at one time, and I think we need to remember our childhood and our children and the way we were reared and the teaching that we had or the lack of it. And maybe there is our problems today. Many of the problems that we have or you have today are the result of the way you were reared. Maybe as I go through these principles, maybe you can ask yourself if you understand them or think about whether or not they were applied to you as a child as you were growing up. How did your parents, your mother and father rear you? What did they teach you? What principles, what methods did they use? Or did you just grow up haphazardly learning many wrong things and wrong habits that you're still struggling with today in the Church of God?

   I want to cover, but I feel there's some very important principles of God that will - they do work. They absolutely work if we apply them. First of all, I'd like to just set the stage by showing what God says about children. I think we all love children. We had the laying on of hands service last week in Phoenix. The little babies came up on the stage and we laid our hands upon them and asked for special blessing. So even Jesus Christ took special notice of little infants and children and did bless them, and I had time to do that. And as we think of our little ones in the Church of God, we need to realize that they are precious. God says they are.

   Turn to Psalm 127. Psalm 127. It's always good to review the emphasis that God places on certain things. Psalm 127 beginning in verse 3 (Psalm 127:3). The word of God says children are an heritage of the Lord, and they are the fruit of the womb, his reward. So God says that children are a reward or a blessing from him. That's the way it's intended to be. A blessing from God, a reward from God. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man, so are children of the youth. Now this is the way it's supposed to be, should be. Happy is the man that has his quiver full of them. The way it's supposed to be. So if you have your quiver, your house full of children, you're supposed to be happy. If those children can be reared God's way, the proper way, they are a strength to the family. They're a joy. They bring happiness.

   Psalm 128, going on right down to the next chapter. Beginning in verse one (Psalm 128:1), blessed is every one that fears the Lord that walks in his ways, for you shall eat the labor of your hands. Happy shall you be, and it shall be well with you. Your wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of your house, and your children like olive plants round about your table. So children are a great blessing from God, and they're intended to bring happiness to us, and that maybe during their earlier years, they are to be a challenge. In the older years, as they grow up, they are to be a help. And then as you get older, they can actually bring security to you as an older person if your children have been properly reared and have love and respect for you as parents.

   But the prophecies sadly tell us. Prophecies of the Bible tell us that children in the end time would grow up to be oppressors of adults. Maybe you know where that is in Isaiah chapter 3. Prophecies of the way children would be in the end time age prior to the coming of Jesus Christ. That they would become oppressors. Verse 5 of Isaiah 3 says (Isaiah 3:5), people shall be oppressed every one by another and everyone by his neighbor, and the child shall behave himself proudly against the elderly, against the ancient. And that's the large that way today, isn't it? That today you still find among young people a lack of real respect for the elderly. And they'll even knock them down, rob them, beat them up, rape them, kill them. So we're very aware of that problem today.

   Notice verse 12, Isaiah 3:12. As for my people, God says, my people Isreal, children are their oppressors. God prophesied that because of a lack of proper family life, a lack of proper teaching, proper method, principles of God, the lack of that, that children would get to the point in this end-time where they would become the oppressors of adults. Where adults would be in fear of children, you know, young teenagers, and it's getting younger and younger all the time, the age of crime, we have to even be afraid of just the young ones that are hardly even teenagers anymore, that they could mug you, attack you, shoot you, kill you. Especially in certain cities, towns and areas, you have to be afraid. It's that way. So God's word certainly prophesied.

   I don't have time to spend going through a lot of prophecies, but one more in chapter Mark chapter 13, just to show you, you know, how bad Christ that it would become. Mark chapter 13 verse 12. And it has happened, you know, this has come to pass and it's going to get worse even in the future. What Jesus said in Mark 13:12 says now the brothers shall betray the brother to death and the father, the son, and children shall rise up against their parents and cause them to be put to death. You can imagine that your very own children that you gave life to and provided food and water and clothing to for years in your own home, then eventually turning against you and hating you so much that they cause you to be put to death. That could happen in many different ways. Some children even kill their own parents, and there have been stories in newspapers about that today.

   So that's how bad it can get with children who are not properly taught God's way, not reared the way they ought to be reared. And so, you know, I want each of you to think about your children or your lives and these principles that I'm going to go through. And the important thing is always the application of the right principles to our children. Because they can be the way they ought to be, the way God wants them to be.

   I think because of time, what I'm going to do. I'm going to refer to a book that I feel is an excellent book. Because if you're going to really learn anything or apply it or be able to use it, you need to be able to read a book. We know what the Bible says. You could go through the Proverbs of what God gives about children and discipline and teaching them and all the principles involved. But what you need sometimes is something more specific and more detailed and dealing with children. And I'm gonna read from the book here. Which I would highly recommend that you get it. If you don't have it, maybe you have it and haven't read it, or maybe you've read it and don't remember it. I want to review certain things in it that I feel are absolutely excellent, excellent in dealing with children and rearing them and in teaching them, and these principles will work. They are from the word of God.

   So because of time, 45 minutes, I'm gonna get right into this book and give you certain points and principles. And I want you to think about them. I found them very interesting just going back over them again. This book is entitled Dare to Discipline. How many of you ever heard of it? Dare to Discipline. OK, a handful, maybe less. Dare to Discipline by Doctor James Dobson. Doctor James Dobson.

   He says we can't solve these problems with our children by lashing out at the young with hostility. Many of the youngsters who are behaving in such anti-social and self-destructive ways are actually lost or aimless and valueless individuals. It has a very balanced, very wise, very understanding approach to children with problems and a child rearing. He says most children are badly in need of wise and understanding parents who can anchor themselves during their personal crises in life. The purpose of this book is not to condemn our children. They are our most important and valued resource. And isn't that true? That we as human beings are God's most important and most valuable resource. And our children should be that to us.

   To the contrary, the older generation must assume the blame for allowing the circumstances to deteriorate. But the children, teenagers, hostility problems of teenagers around us are the fault of the older generation, the parents who have fallen so far short in teaching and rearing their children. It is our parental responsibility to get off our behinds and take steps to eliminate the problems which threaten our children.

   Perhaps the greatest and most common shortcoming during the past 25 years was related to the belief, particularly by new parents, that love is enough in rearing children. All you have to do is just love them. As long as you love them, that's all that matters. Although love is essential to human life, parental responsibility extends far beyond just loving your children. Love in the absence of instruction will not produce a child with self-discipline, with self-control, or with respect for his fellow man. And this is all just introductory leading up to some points I'm going to give you.

   The greatest social disaster of this century is the belief that love makes discipline unnecessary. Respectful and responsible children result from families where the proper combination of love and discipline is present. And then he says, I am thoroughly convinced that the proper control of children can be found in a reasonable common sense philosophy where 5 key elements are paramount. And here are the 5 key elements I would like to mention to you.

   Number 1, he says, is developing respect for parents. Developing in the children respect for parents. He says this is the critical factor in child management. But if respect for parents, for adults, it's not instilled or built into the children. Well, I'll let him explain it himself. It is most important that a child respects his parents, not for the purpose of satisfying their egos, the parents' egos, because the child's relationship with his parents provides the basis for his attitude toward all other people. His view of parental authority becomes the cornerstone of his later outlook on school authority, the police, the law, the people with whom he will eventually live and work and even for society in general. All of this begins to be learned from their attitude toward parents.

   If you want your child to accept your values when he reaches his teen years, then you must be worthy of his respect during his younger days. When a child can successfully defy his parents during his 1st 15 years, laughing in their faces and stubbornly flouting their authority, he develops a natural contempt for even his parents. This factor is important for Christian parents who wish to sell their concept of God to their children. They must first sell themselves. If they are not worthy of respect, then neither is their religion worthy of respect. I think it's, he goes through and it's just so obviously biblical, and that's true. But if our children don't first of all learn to respect us as their parents, how can we convince them that our God and our religion should be respected and accepted by them?

   The issue of respect can be a useful tool in knowing when to punish and how excited one should get about a given behavior. First, the parents should decide whether an undesirable behavior represents a direct challenge of his authority. To his position as the father or mother, and punishment should depend on that evaluation. It gives a little example here. For example, suppose little Walter is acting silly in the living room and he falls into a table breaking many expensive china cups and other trinkets, or suppose he loses his bicycle or leaves dad's best saw out in the rain. These are the acts of childish irresponsibility and should be handled as such. Perhaps the parent should have the child work to pay for those losses, depending on the age and maturity of the child, of course. However, these examples do not constitute direct challenges to authority, because children will be irresponsible.

   In my opinion, Spankings should be reserved for the moment a child expresses a defiant. I won't do it, or shut up. When a youngster tries this kind of stiff-necked rebellion, you had better take it out of him, and pain is a marvelous purifier. So what he's pointing out is you always need to discern what you're dealing with. Are you're dealing with just carelessness in a child, irresponsibility, or are you dealing with a defiant, rebellious? Determined disobedient attitude in that child. Are you're dealing with an attitude in the child, one that is challenging your authority as a parent?

   Much sound advice has been written about the dangers of inappropriate discipline, and it should be heeded. A parent can absolutely destroy a child through the application of harsh, oppressive, whimsical, unloving, or capricious punishment. However, you cannot inflict permanent damage to a child if you follow this technique. Identify the rules well in advance. My wife and I find this is what we have to do regularly with our two children who are now, well, 12 1/2 and 14 1/2. And that is make sure that our children understand the rules of the home, the house, of going out of activities. We have to regularly sit down and make sure they understand what the rules that we want them to follow and why. I try to explain that as well, why we have the rules we do.

   He says, and let there be no doubt. About what is and is not acceptable behavior, that it is unfair to punish children. If you have not explained to them the rules and the kind of behavior and conduct that you want of them. When the child cold-bloodedly chooses to challenge those known boundaries in a haughty manner, give him good reason to regret it. At all times demonstrate love and affection and kindness and understanding, he says. The parent must convince himself that punishment is not something that he does to the child. Punishment is something that he does for the child. It has to be looked at it that way. Punishment is something you do for a child. Because a child according to the book of Proverbs and God's word, needs discipline by a loving, concerned parent, a wise parent. And neglecting to give children proper discipline is a lack of love in itself.

   Ok, respect is unsuccessful as a unilateral affair. It must operate on a two-way street. For instance, a mother cannot require her child to treat her with dignity if she will not do the same for the child. She should be gentle with his a child's ego. Children do have egos. Never belittle the child or embarrass him in front of his friends. The child should not be laughed at unmercifully. His strong feelings and requests, even if foolish, should be given an honest appraisal, not just made fun of or treated lightly. Self-esteem is the most fragile attribute in human nature. And we only need to stop and think about that. Self-esteem, that feeling of wanting to feel needed, wanting to feel good, wanting to feel loved, wanting to feel important, and it is in children very strongly as well. It is a most fragile attribute in human nature. It can be damaged by a very minor incident, and its reconstruction is often difficult to engineer or reconstruct.

   So we have to be careful, he points out, and he goes on to give many specific examples of how parents do even unconsciously put down their children. Unnecessarily, as he points out, or in a wrong way. A child's antagonism and stiff-lipped negativism may emanate from frustration or disappointment or rejection by his parents. And must be interpreted as a warning signal to be heeded because you see children just react. A child's resistant behavior always contains a message to the parents. Which should be decoded before responding. In other words we as parents, we as grownup adults who are responsible in the eyes of God should not react like children ourselves to our children and their problems and their attitudes. We should be adults and mature in our approach to understanding why they react the way they do. And so he points out that the most vital objective of disciplining a child is to gain and maintain his respect. If the parent fails in this task, life becomes complicated indeed.

   So that the first step that he gives in this one chapter, which I think is excellent. I have just the basic highlights is that the first critical thing is developing respect for the parents, you see, and children. If they see that their parent is a loving, kind individual who does love them, and yet one who disciplines. That gains respect, not only love, but respect. I'll have to say it works because as I think of my own mother and father, and in this case, my dad spanked and disciplined more and did it very hard. I think of him with respect, because when I got out of line, he is the one that really let me have it. And years later, now as a grown up man. I think of my dad and I remember that. That he really let me have it. When I got out of line and I learned to properly fear him and respect him, knowing that he would spank me and it hurt.

   The second point that he gives. Is that the best opportunity to communicate with children often occurs right after discipline or punishment. Don't just send them off. And here's how what he goes on, how he explains. The parent's demonstration of his authority builds respect like no other process. And the child will often reveal his affection when the emotion has passed, you know, the emotion of the crying of the particular situation. For this reason, the parent should not dread or shrink back from these confrontations with the child. These occasions should be anticipated as important events because they provide the opportunity to say something to the child that cannot be said at other times. It is not necessary to beat the child into submission. A little bit of pain goes a long way. For a child. However, the spanking should be of sufficient magnitude to cause the child to cry genuinely. And I think you know if you've had children, I do that sometimes you just give them a wack. They'll put on this waaa. And it's a rebellious cry. They just didn't like to be hit. They're mad at you and they're rebelling against it. It's got to be enough and you've got to discern it for that rebellious attitude flying back at you changes, you know, to a real, yes, sir, you're, you're my boss, you're over me, and please don't do that. It hurts. He points that out.

   The pet spanking should be a sufficient magnitude to cause the child to cry genuinely. That's what the Book of Proverbs says. After the emotional ventilation which children will go through. The child will often want to crumple to the breast of his parent. He's talking about a young one here, and should be welcomed with open, warm loving arms, but that even can apply to an older child. At that moment, you can talk heart to heart. Because maybe, you know, they're emotional, they realize you love them, but you've disciplined them for something that they know they've done wrong. And you can tell them how much you love them and how important they are to you. You can explain why you punished them and how they can avoid that same difficulty next time. This kind of communication is not made possible by other disciplinary measures, including standing the child in a corner or taking away his fire truck. It doesn't work the same effect as a physical punishment. On children. Now he mentions he feels that beyond when the child gets up to 11, 12 right in there, that physical spanking just doesn't work the same way. Because they've gotten to a stage where they're more independent and have reached that independent thinking stage and it doesn't have the same effect upon them.

   So number 2 was the best opportunity to communicate often occurs after punishment and you need to take advantage of that time with your children.

   Number 3, he says. is controlled without nagging. Control without nagging. Says yelling and nagging at children can become a habit and an ineffectual one at that. Have you ever screamed at your child? This is the last time I'm going to tell you, this is the last time. Don't do that again. Do I have to tell you again, don't do that. This is the last time I'm gonna tell you. Parents often use anger to get action instead of using action to get action.

   The child, as he points out here. Very adequately begins to learn what he can get away with with his parents. A teacher, a scoutmaster, a recreation leader who tries to control a group of children by use of his own anger is due for a long, long day of frustration. The children find out how far he will go before taking any action, and they will invariably push him right to the line. Children are very intelligent. They do determine how far they can go with their parents or which parent. They can get away with, with the most. One should never underestimate a child's awareness that he is breaking the rules. Now, once he gets to a certain age, but even a very young child, when you've taught him certain things, and once they learn that even a little bitty child knows that they're doing something wrong when they steal a cookie out of the cookie jar, if you tell them not to, they know it. You shouldn't say, oh, he's just a little kid he doesn't understand. Kids are smart. Little bitty babies are just beginning to talk. Children before they can really walk and talk, understand more than you think they do.

   I think most children are rather analytical about their defiance of adult authority. They consider the deed in advance, weighing its probable consequences, and then decide to take the risk. If the odds are too great that justice will triumph, and they will take a safer course. This characteristic is verified in millions of homes where the youngster will push one parent to the limits of his tolerance, but will be a sweet angel with the other parent. Mom whimpers. Rick minds his dad perfectly, but he won't pay attention to me. Good old Rick has observed that mom is safer than dad. So they learn, you know, what they can do, what they can't do. So he has a chapter on that which is excellent and examples and that's just a few paragraphs I read control without nagging. It is possible, he says.

   And point 4. Don't saturate the child with excessive materialism, he says. In these opulent times in which we live, the parental task becomes more difficult. The child's lust for expensive toys is carefully generated to millions of dollars spent on TV advertising by toy manufacturers, right? Watch television. It's all aimed at children, cereals, foods, candy. Most things. Especially now you notice it with Christmas coming up, aimed at the children. The trouble is dad can afford to buy most items today, if not with cash, at least with a credit card or charge it. There is another reason the child should be denied some of the things he thinks he wants. Although it sounds paradoxical, you actually cheat a child of pleasure when you give him too much, and he has a real interesting approach to it here that you actually cheat a child of pleasure when you always let him have what he wants or get it for him.

   Here's how he explains it. Pleasure occurs when an intense need is satisfied. If there is no need, there is no pleasure. If you never allow a child to want something, he never enjoys the pleasure of receiving it. Right? If you never allow a child to want something, he never enjoys the pleasure of receiving it. If you buy him a tricycle before he can walk, a bicycle before he can ride, a car before he can drive. And many kids say they want a car even before they can drive it. And a diamond ring before he knows the value of money, he accepts these gifts with little pleasure and less appreciation. How unfortunate that such a child never had the chance to long for something, to wait for something, dreaming about it night and day, planning for it constantly. He might have even gotten desperate enough to work for it, which he humorously points out. Rather than just waiting for mom and dad to buy it for him. Allow your child the thrill of temporary deprivation. It's more fun and much less expensive.

   In other words, let your children want, look forward to desires certain things as they grow up and don't just as soon as they say, Mom, I want a bicycle. I want a car, I want that toy. I want this. Make them look forward to it. Make them plan, make them work, make them allow them to do those things so that when finally they have that thing, they have the pleasure of having looked forward, planned, prepared for it.

   And then point 5 he says, avoid extremes in control and love. Extreme degrees of love can also be unhealthy for a child. The complete absence of love will destroy him emotionally and in some cases physically. It has been known for several decades that an infant who is not loved or touched or caressed will often die just from lack of it. While the absence of love has a predictable effect on children, it is not so well known that the excessive love or super love also has its hazards too. Some children are spoiled by love. Many parents have invested all of their hopes, all of their dreams, all of their desires, and all of their ambitions and their youngsters, and the natural culmination of this philosophy is overprotection. The overprotective parent is not the only one who suffers. The child is also its victim. The overprotective parent finds it difficult to allow their child to take reasonable risks. In life as they grow up. And those risks are a necessary prelude to maturity, immaturity is another frequent consequence of overprotection. The child grows up immature, immaturely dependent upon the parents. The middle ground of love and control must be sought if we are to produce healthy, responsible children.

   And then just in the summary, he says, Here's the simple principle I am recommending. When you are defiantly challenged by your children, you should win decisively over any challenge to your authority. When the child asks, who's in charge, tell him. When he mutters, who loves me, take him in your arms and surround him with affection. Treat him with respect and dignity and expect the same from him, and then begin to enjoy the sweet benefits of competent parenthood.

   And then I'll close just one little part because he explains that I think quite well how to accomplish this in children. Maybe I can stimulate you to want to read this book because it is excellent. He says the most magnificent, magnificent theory ever devised for the control of behavior. It's called the law of reinforcement. It works on us as adults. Stated simply, the law of reinforcement reads, Behavior which achieves desirable consequences will recur. Behavior which achieves desirable consequences will recur. In other words, if an individual likes what happens as a result of his behavior, he will be inclined to repeat that act. This principle is disarmingly simple, but it has profound implications for human learning. And that's what children learn by, believe it or not.

   He said the awards are not only useful in shaping animal behavior, they succeed even better with humans. However, it is not sufficient to dole out gifts and prizes in an unplanned manner. There are specific principles which must be followed that the law of reinforcement is to achieve its full potential. And he said, let's consider the elements of this technique in detailed application to children. He gets down here, even giving specific examples of children of different ages of how it works and how it can work.

   He says, number one now in this, this principle of reinforced the law of reinforcement, of learned behavior. Number one is the one principle and applying it is that rewards must be granted immediately. If you wanted to teach the children a certain behavior. Then they must be rewarded. Why do most of you work? Because you love your boss. That's the only reason you work? Uh, because you just love. In this case, some of you do because you mainly love, but your whole heart, you want to do it for all eternity, the job that you're doing. Or is it because of the paycheck that you get? In most cases today, people work because of the reward of the paycheck. Isn't money an incentive? You bet it is. If your boss said, look, I'm gonna give you a $100 a week raise. If you'll do this. Just work a little harder to take care of this. 100 bucks a week. Wow, I'll do it. The law of reinforcement, giving you a reward. He understands. Maybe he doesn't understand what he's doing. All he knows is that money speaks loud. It's a reward.

   And with children, rewards must be granted immediately in the use of this law of reinforcement or else children learn, he, what good does it do to do that? There's never any benefit or rewards on it. If the maximum effectiveness is to be obtained from a reward, it should be offered shortly after the desirable behavior has occurred. In other words, when you're trying to teach a child something, and he does it or he does it right, and you want to reinforce that behavior, a reward is a good way to do it. Parents often make the mistake of offering long-range rewards to children, but this doesn't work very well. It is usually unfaitful to offer nine year old boy. Look, son, uh, I'm gonna get you a car when you're 16 years old. If you'll work hard now for the next 9 years, you know, whatever it's gonna be. In the next 7 years. 2nd and 3rd grade elementary children are often promised a trip to grandma's house next summer in exchange for good behavior all year long. It doesn't work. Their obedience is typically unaffected by this lud. It is unsatisfactory to offer Mary Lou a new doll next Christmas if she'll keep her room straight. Until then. You know, if it's way in advance. Most children have neither the mental capacity nor the maturity to hold a long range goal in mind from day to day. To keep them motivated for the right behavior. Time moves slowly for children. Consequently, the reinforcement seems impossible to reach. And are interesting to contemplate.

   So the reward, and it gives examples again how you can reinforce good behavior for the proper use of rewards for children. Immediate reinforcement is the most useful technique available to parents in teaching responsibility to their children. Parents often complain about the irresponsibility of their youngsters. Oh, they won't clean up their room, they won't help around the house. They won't do this, they won't do that. And yet parents fail to realize that this lack of industriousness has been learned at home. All human behavior is learned. The desirable and the undesirable responses as well have been learned. So we all either learn to be industrious or we learn to be lazy. Our children learn these things by our teaching and reinforcement of positive things, or else our lack of teaching and reinforcement. The universal teacher is reinforcement of positive light behavior. The child repeats the behavior which he considers to be successful to obtain what he wants in life.

   When parents recognize characteristics which they dislike in their children, OK, now notice this, because this is important, maybe we can deal now with what you can do with your children. When parents recognize characteristics which they dislike in their children, they should set about teaching more admirable traits by allowing good behavior to succeed and bad behavior to fail. And he gives a plan of how to do that here. He gives a specific plan, an example, which I don't want to take the time. It would be a little bit too detailed and maybe monotonous and boring, but he shows how, and I know this works because we've tried it with our children. And just recently my daughter, sat down and said, Dad, I want to make a list of all the things around the house that you want me to do, and she made a got a piece of paper and and numbered them down and drew out this list and then set up, uh, a little money for each chore that she would do. She made that made that out herself about how much money she wanted to do it and she made up the whole thing and which days of the week she would do the chores and how much money I would give her if she would do them. So her purpose is she wants some money. And she's willing to do these chores and these duties if I will give her, you know, that that reward, reinforcing that good job, if you do it, I'm gonna give you so much money. If you don't do it, forget it, zilch, no spending money, no nothing, can't go anywhere, can't do anything. With their friends, see, cause she doesn't have a job, she's not old enough to work yet, so she's still dependent upon me at home for her money. Although she is a little conniving sometimes in the right way. One time she wanted to do something, I wouldn't give her any money. And uh my wife and I were gone. We went somewhere and she was with a couple of her friends, and while we were gone, They went from door to door in the neighborhood knocking on the door saying, Do you have any work around the house we can do for you? They came back with 20 bucks. You know, such children, if they want money and the physical reward badly enough, it's amazing what they're willing to do.

   So this is the thing of immediate reinforcement or positive reinforcement. I can just say now, you be good because that's what God says you're supposed to do. That's negative. There really is. They're yelling and shouting and threatening them. It is not the positive reinforcement of look. If you will do this, and here will be the reward and the benefit for you from doing this behavior acting this way. Now, if you won't do this. There's the paddle. And that's gonna be a negative reinforcement because of, of your reaction. Now you have to use that occasionally, but as it says, verbal threats and all really don't work. It's action that works. Positive action or even the use of a paddle can be considered positive action.

   So he lays out a technique here of how you can take children and all the things you want them to do from brushing their teeth in the morning, straightening their bed, picking up after themselves in the bedroom, tidying up, emptying the trash, saying yes ma'am, or yes sir. It just goes down the line and the reward for good behavior and understanding. Now when you don't do that the way you're supposed to be, there's going to be the penalty for it. And they understand the reward if they do it, a penalty if they don't do it. And you, you teach them. And I think what we as parents just do sometimes is we just, as I do to fall short of doing these things. But you can read this and it's very, very helpful. It's just setting up a program.

   He, he says a good section here on applying this principle of reinforcement that rewards need not be material in nature to reinforce proper good behavior and attitude. Anything that is considered desirable to an individual can serve as reinforcement for his or her behavior. Some children, for example, would rather receive a sincere word of praise than a $10 bill. They so desire to hear from their parents a little praise. Particularly if the adult approval is expressed in front of other children, the children want that approval. Children and adults of all ages seek constant satisfaction of their emotional needs. We all do. Including the desire for love, social acceptance, and self-respect. Additionally, they hope to find excitement, intellectual stimulation, entertainment, and pleasure. As a result, verbal reinforcement can be the strongest motivator of human behavior.

   You know, sometimes, even though a child you may seem rebellious, all they really want is to hear you say, look, I love you, I'm proud of you, you're doing a great job. Keep it up. Rather than always, you're not perfect. You're not doing it the way you ought to. Can't you do better than that? Shut up. Don't bother me. There's a good movie, maybe sometime I would like to, if we could possibly work it out to show you. That we showed the teens in Phoenix, the Y.O.U. group, and it actually shows how one set of parents drove their child to commit suicide. Not by spanking or anything like that, nothing more than the verbal treatment they gave the child. It drove him to commit suicide and it's that story. And then it shows parents. How many parents go through the day yelling, shouting, putting their kids down, blasting them, never taking the time to love them, to teach them, to spend time with them, the positive instruction, the positive love, the positive health. And how damaging that is to their own. Their own confidence, their own self-respect. And uh it was a very sad movie, had many of them in tears, but we do have parents. I, I, I sadly to say I, I know a couple of parents in the church now who uh are still so immature spiritually and lacking in their own conversion that they will beat their children into submission. I don't mean spank. I mean beat. Child abuse is what I'm talking about. A man like that has a serious problem.

   Verbal reinforcement should permeate the entire parent-child relationship. Too often our parental instruction consists, saying what I just said, consists of a million don’ts that are jammed down the child's throat. We should spend more time rewarding our children for positive behavior that we do like or admire in them if we notice it. Which we should even if our reward is nothing more than a sincere recognition and compliment that sometimes they are quiet or sometimes they are good, or sometimes they do do things right. But isn't it the old saying, brethren, I think we can think of this, that even with bosses, you don't hear from them unless you do something wrong, right? So what, what about all the times you're doing the job right? Does the boss come along regularly, make it a practice to say, great employee, really glad to have you on the team. You're doing a good job. Once a week? Do you hear that from the boss? Or is it only when you make a mistake? And we could become that kind of boss to our children that they only hear from us every time they make a mistake and do something wrong.

   So remember, when they do things right, reinforce it with a sincere compliment, and it makes them want to do that again. Remembering that the child's need for self-esteem and acceptance, remembering that the wise parent can satisfy those important longings of using them to teach valued concepts and behavior. So that that's just a little bitty bit in this book and just the tip of the iceberg of what he goes into very, very balanced, wise approach that he uses. I'd highly recommend that if you're a parent. And wants a biblical approach and yet up to date, he analyzes the the approaches that have been used over the years, which ones work and which ones don't work, and get that book Dare to Discipline and keep it on your bookshelf and use it. It's filled with a lot of helpful information.

   I wanted to read that, bring that to your attention. I think what I'd like to do. Just in kind of beginning to wrap it up here because I only have about 5 or 10 minutes, so I don't run over time is to end by asking this question. Why should we want to do this? Why should we want to apply these principles? Why should we want to learn these principles with dealing with our children and other human beings for that matter? Using the positive to reinforce behavior in our children and using correction and discipline only as a positive thing for our children. Why?

   Go to the Bible now. I started with a few scriptures. I'd like to end with a few scriptures on why it is so important, especially for our children in the Church of God. Go to the book of Psalms, Psalms chapter 45. Psalm 45. I think what I'll do is drop down to the fewer verses that I mentioned I was going through. This is talking about the future, beginning about verse 13 (Psalm 45:13). The king's daughter is all glorious within. Her clothing is of wrought gold, and this is talking an analogy of the coming of Christ of the church. She shall be brought in under the king in arraignment of needlework. The virgins, Psalm 45:14. Her companions that follow her shall be brought unto you. With gladness and rejoicing shall they be brought. They shall enter into the king's palace. Instead of your fathers shall be your children, whom you may make princes in all the earth, and I will make your name to be remembered in all generations. Therefore, shall the people praise you forever and ever.

   And that verse 16 (Psalm 45:16), you know, if you get this in other translations, and read it. You know, it really does apply brethren to our children. And if time is getting close to the end, and the kingdom of God is not very far away. You see, you've got to look upon your children, our children as our most valuable resource for the future. They will either bring. They will either become leaders among human beings in the world tomorrow or as a result of our lack, our falling short, our neglect. They will not be leaders in the world tomorrow, but it does show that some of our children will be princes or princesses. In the earth in the world tomorrow because of our teaching, our wise handling of them, or teaching them right attitudes, right conduct through proper methods, and I can heartily recommend this book here which breaks it down and not just to the Bible scriptures, but it goes into details with a lot of experience of how to do it, how to make it work. From a Christian approach.

   Turn to Psalm 128. Psalm 128. Just a couple of more to show you what we're, why it is important and why it is worthwhile. Why it's worth the effort to study a book or read or get serious about it, or even excited about it or get excited about your children. And investing your time with them. Psalm 128. Versus 4 through 6 (Psalm 128:4-6). Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that fears the Lord. The Lord shall bless you out of Zion, and you shall see the good of Jerusalem all the days of your life. And you shall see your children's children, your grandchildren and peace upon Israel. And that if we'll do our job with our children. We're gonna, they're going to grow up and they're going to have children and we're going to see. The fruits of our effort and our work and our children pass on into the world tomorrow, and we're gonna see our grandchildren even into the world tomorrow in the kingdom of God. That's why it's so important that we teach them right now and set the right example for them.

   The last scripture is Isaiah chapter 49. Isaiah chapter 49 verses 22 and 23 (Isaiah 49:22-23). They are children, we must remember, are only children. They're young. We are the responsible ones of adults and parents for what they are and what they become to a certain degree. And once they reach a certain age, if they reject what we have taught and built in them, then that's their responsibility. But Isaiah 49, beginning in verse 22, again we're talking about the world tomorrow, the soon coming of Christ, and something that is going to happen. So thus sayeth the Lord God, behold, I will lift up my hand to the Gentiles. I will set up my standard to the people. And they shall bring your sons in their arms, and your daughters shall be carried upon their shoulders, and kings shall be their nursing mothers and queens are nursing fathers. I'm sorry, kings are nursing fathers and queens thy nursing mothers. I mean physical human people in the world tomorrow being like nursing fathers and mothers to the children of some special people. And they shall bow down with their face toward the earth and lick up the dust of their feet, and you shall know that I am the Lord, for they shall not be ashamed that wait for me.

   So you think about these children that are gonna be taken upon the shoulders of physical leaders in the world tomorrow and honored. Because they're the children of God's people. They're the children who have been taught properly. They are the children who have been taught obedience. To proper reinforced rewarded conduct or who have been discouraged from wrong behavior by showing, look, that, that, that, that doesn't pay off. That doesn't work, it's not right. It is not good.

   It is worth, brethren, taking the time to study. Taking the time to spend with children. It is very worth it. It is an investment. And we as parents and adults have to look. At the time we need to spend with our children as just that an investment for their future. Because our children are part of us. And it will be a wonderful blessing someday to see our children as physical human leaders and that soon coming world tomorrow, to be able to look at spirit beings at that time, look down on the earth and see our children. Used by God because of the right attitude we've helped them develop and because of the character we have helped them develop in the Church of God today. So it is a very important and a very serious subject.

   So let's remember our children and let's all help together and use these principles together. Even in church, you can do that. When you see a child doing something right or good, you can have compliment. It's positive reinforced behavior. That's very good. That's very nice. That's very right. Or if a child does something wrong or bad, I don't mean for everybody to correct everybody else's children, but sometimes you, you know, you could stop them from running into somebody and about knocking them down or doing something wrong and say, now wait a minute, you shouldn't be doing that, should you? In other words, the right approach is what we want in the Worldwide Church of God with our children, loving them, understanding their heritage and a blessing from God. And really doing our part in teaching our children so that they too can be in the kingdom of God.